I feel like I'm in a season of life where I'm waiting for the dawn but the darkest part of the night has already passed. Like the battle's is still here, everyone around me just can't see it. I'm on the doorstep. Outside in the cold rainy night, looking into the warm house. I have been in that house, I'm in it every week and am suddenly pushed back out after a few hours of joy and warmth. What I'm trying to explain is the family of God. Every week I spend a few hours each week with the family, but after that time is done the lights go out and I am here. Expected to be a light in a world of non-believers all around me. I am told that I am the light and sometimes the only bible that others see. But I don't understand how a two year old Christian (sixteen year old human) can be expected to be the light around numerous angry and vicious non-believers. Being a Christian in a non-believing household is probably one of the hardest things a believer in Jesus will EVER have to do, and I hope and pray that nobody ever has to go through what I do on a daily basis but their are so many families and individuals like this in the church feeling the exact feelings I explained above. I think the church needs to begin to pray for this. So many people have told me that all I can do is pray and that's so true. But I feel like as the church we can all pray. This burdens my heart so deeply because I truly do believe this is one of the hardest things any follower of Christ will have to do. People always say it's kind of cool that I'm the first Christian in my family and I usually just smile and nod. But it's not cool. It's not cool at all. Because you say that then you get to go home comfortability and talk about Jesus and grow in the Lord with your family. Truly my biggest battlefield is in my home. Forget school or your workplace or anywhere where you think it's hard to share the gospel. Try the people who are suppose to build you up the most in the Lord tearing you down on a daily basis, questioning and challenging your belief system and questioning the existence (and making fun of) the Person you love the very most and chose to die for you. It is absolutely heart breaking and life shattering. Every. Single. Day. I just thought I'd give a voice to the people who experience this on a daily basis because I totally don't think the church understands. And I just sort of generalised it obviously once you add in other factors of different families these situations vary. But they are never pleasant and sometimes aren't emotionally healthy for anyone involved.
